I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
