once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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