Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
this hospital has no fireball
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Randomize
