you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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