you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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