sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
