no, he came in my armpit
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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