dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
