i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
