she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize