So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just found puke in my bra..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
