I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I don't think brook has ever known best
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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