i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
