remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
