So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
