Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
