Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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