A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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