I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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