My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
