do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
