idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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