my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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