Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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