I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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