Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
