My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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