I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Let's get the cat blown out
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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