I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
