Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
