I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
