ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
