This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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