I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
