awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
