Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
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He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
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you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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