Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
