Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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