Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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