So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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