i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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