Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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