I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
