I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
