I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
