Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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