My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
