You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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