p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
