Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Randomize
