i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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