Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
