Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
