first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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