I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
