I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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