she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
