There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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