i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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