the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
