I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
