This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
