Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
