and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
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So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
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I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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