ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
