see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
