super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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