He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
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I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
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I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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