What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I FOUND THE LEGS
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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