Her vagina should come with caution tape.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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