Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
