I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Everyone says I win the strip club
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
