I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
