The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
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Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize