perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I wish there were birth control emojis
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
