I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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