life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
17 year olds will be the death of me.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
