I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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