the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
