she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
