OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
