you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
