My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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