if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize