okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
