I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
