Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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