I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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